Friday, June 24, 2022

Struggling Greatly with Anorexia Nervosa by Malinda Ann Hill

I am so very grateful for the generous donations, kind words, and thoughtful actions I have received since I asked for help and entered treatment for anorexia nervosa, depression, anxiety and PTSD. The support from people who truly care has sustained me and offered me hope when I felt hopeless and worthless. 

It is difficult to admit that I am still struggling mentally, emotionally and physically - especially with anorexia nervosa. I am so sorry for the pain this insidious illness continues to cause my friends and family - especially my identical twin, Leah.

Leah offered me a couch to crash on in her basement when I lost my apartment, my job and my health insurance. Thank you, Leah, for your support when I needed it the most.

Posted by Leah on 6/21/21: 

“I wrote this poem in 1985 after having struggled with anorexia nervosa beginning at 11 years old. My twin is still actively battling this deadly disease. I love you, Malinda Ann Hill. ❤️”

Reality by Leah Ann Hill

"Why do you do this? Do this to our family? to yourself? Why don't you just eat? Just one bite. Please. Please, just one bite. I love you honey. Just eat. Please!"

There's no response,

The body stiffens

No feelings show through the gaunt,

lifeless face,

Having none means superiority.

But that's a lie,

You're scared, alone,

This urge, this obsession has taken over your life; has cut all ties from friends, family; has destroyed your life.

You are hungry, but not just for food,

You cry for attention, yearn for their approval,

They can't see it though, why can't they tell?

"If you eat this I'll get you anything, anything you want."

But you don't want anything (anything but your freedom, their love),

You've worked too hard for this,

You can't give it up, you won't.

They can't see it though, why can't they tell?

Why can't you?

Published in the National Anorexic Aid Society, Inc. Newsletter (April - June 1985)